stress triggers - you think you know them - really?

The last 6 weeks, I have been like a wind up toy getting over wound.

So whats it about?

I was asked to do an admin job while the usual admin lady goes on maternity leave. The business is that of a family friend  - my sons ex boyfriend. I like the guy, and I am happy to help.

I have allowed myself to react in old ways - and I thought I knew better -  because I spent time and healed my mind and body -right? 

Well the truth is, somehow, there is comfort in those old routines (movies). They feel familiar, they roll easy and to some extent I enjoy them.  

You know them -

• the morning rush to get ready
• what to wear -need more clothes(go shopping)
• the traffic -gives me something to moan about and I feel like I'm in the city crowd 
• having to dash for morning coffee, and then do it again mid morning, like one isn't enough
• say yes to everything - even the bosses issues
• I can do it - because I'm asked 
• feeling wanted, needed and useful again (as if I wasn't already)
• oh and the extra money - I think now the costs far out weigh the extra $

and the list goes on.

but the biggie is - did I recognise the stress triggers? What and when did the triggers go off? They say ‘know your triggers’ yeah right! 

so what is happening to me?

• sleep has become erratic ( I think after week 1), you know wake up at 2 and roll for 2hours.
• I’ve put on 3 kilos- OMG 
• night sweats are on, adding to the laundry and home jobs
• I need wine after work 
• the food choices - well its whatever looks nice, almost.
• I feel overwhelmed (even tho I thought I could do everything, notice no new writing blogs)
• I’m forgetting things, dropping stuff and making dumb mistakes
• exercise? I’m binge exercising - that is, all on the weekend, going hard
• meditation - last thing when I get into bed- just a minute or two and falling asleep
• it’s spiralling.

those would be triggers enough - wouldn't they?

So…..

If I’m honest with myself - is this my hearts desire? the answer is easy really - NO.

I like helping out someone dear to me. And thats where the confusion is. I’m caught in between.

I hope this helps you to figure your stress triggers.

and I’ll let you know what happens next.